Thursday, June 4, 2020

Simons Best Coffee Company Ikonic Medium Roast in Review "A Real Ham & Egger"

“Have you Kaplowitz’d to-day?”

Simons Best Coffee Company 
Ikonic Medium Roast

ORIGIN: Colombia
VARIETAL: Arabica

BREW METHOD: French Press
INTENSITY: Medium

WEBSITE: simonsbestcoffee.com

NOTES:
Grain | Grapefruit | Nut mix

Malty & baggy in equal parts. Then baggier. Then not malty but grainy -- that influencing the entire profile & making a linear melange of it. Grapefruit is a sandy somewhat astringent thing on the corners of the tongue. Up-front is a generic nuttiness, toasted lightly. Back to grain & we've never really left... predominantly a barley-buckwheat thing. Kasha, if you're Jewy.

(Miss Jackson if you're nasty). Not a nasty brew, this. Pedestrian, simply. & quite mottled, lacking almost completely in structure even tho there is that nuttiness up-top. Also an undertone of toasted oak. Also also there in the middlings... well, that's about it. A far away peppery thing. A cacao gambit gambits, attempts to evolve, is beat-down by grain.

Not complex & only somewhat nuanced. Rather flat. Have I said simple? Comfort food, surely. More evolving via cooling sees citrus leave and left is a nutty grainy slightly woodsy thing with a kindly inherent easy sweetness. No true trespasses. Zero oomph. Serviceable ham & eggs breakfast accompaniment for a real Ham & Egger.

FINAL GRADE: C+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

::: very :::

Wednesday, June 3, 2020

Kaplowitz To-day EP52

"Have you Kaplowitz'd to-day?"

Kaplowitz To-day EP52
Published on: June 02, 2020 at 6:03 PM

6.2.20... Even though I read one cigar & one coffee review (wrote both) it's really all about Judi Dench's Jowls. Remember! (King of the Road) Look for Kaplowitz Media wherever fine sites are searched.

A quick word first & then second...

As a rule, the Kaplowitz Media. bite-sized daily M-F Kaplowitz To-day podcast does NOT see its episodes posted in blog form. This post is a singular exception to that rule. Directly below, you'll find a player for listening to yesterday's To-day, today. It's quite good. Kaplowitz To-day.



To listen to other To-days as well as the rest of what Kaplowitz Radio. has to offer, including its titular flagship program Kaplowitz Radio., remember to subscribe wherever you listen to quality podcasts. Also, here are some links to where you can rn find Kaplowitz Radio. Kaplowitz Radio.

::: very :::

Tuesday, June 2, 2020

Simons Best Coffee Co. Ikonic Dark Roast in Review "a la Jimmy Durante's Schnoz"

“Have you Kaplowitz’d to-day?”

Simons Best Coffee Co.
Ikonic Dark Roast

ORIGIN: Colombia
VARIETAL: Arabica

BREW METHOD: French Press
INTENSITY: Medium-Full

WEBSITE: simonsbestcoffee.com

NOTES:
Hardwood | Black peppercorn | Almond

Sinewy then fleeting. Smoky charcoaly. Bit of tar. Beef jerky briefly, then into a drop off the table finish. Primaries are scorched oak & black peppercorn with slight & surprising green underneath. Then quite bitter almond, toasted to/until blackened. Stark yet mainly sufficient middlings. Bare but for the basics. A bachelor living out of a valise in a room for let (King of the Road).

Depths from the above sink here into brown sugar, anise, sarsaparilla, Worcestershire sauce. Broad & vast & vacuumous twixt. Undertones are a dried-out compost heap. This is a lot as if Cafe Bustelo's flamboyant cousin failed out of art school. Aroma is of a tire fire being beaten out w/ the straw-end of a broomstick. I'm giving this cup grief but I will say it has character... a la Jimmy Durante's schnoz. Judi Dench's jowls.

A singular & surprising vegetal complexity via the already mentioned green peppercorn addition -- does not complex make. Depths are deep-ish but rather humdrum & simplistic. A completely expected & practically redundant roast. Cools to a waxy dark chocolate add-on. Would recommend as a hangover treatment. It tastes like a Midwestern highway. Like riding the rails in a black & white comedy duo buddy film. I'm really sorta fond of it.

FINAL GRADE: B
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

::: very :::

Monday, June 1, 2020

Wandering Goat Coffee Co. Eugene, OR | Cafe & Espresso in Review

"Have you Kaplowitz'd to-day?"

This was originally published 9/16/19 to Kaplowitz Media. Cigars.

Wandering Goat Coffee Co.
268 Madison St. Eugene, OR 97402

A Sunday.
Brunch O'clock.

Purely to be anticipated digs. Un/finished concrete floors. Cool kid warehouse vibe. Industrial & thrift-shop artsy & also there's a goat head mounted behind the counter. A conversation:

ME: What animal is that? (Pointing.)
MY +1: Where are we, again? (Sighing)
ME: Oh, a goat. (Antelope was my first guess.)

Loud chatter and slightly less loud indy folk music. We sit at a heavy laminated wood slab by a window on tall chairs. Other seating arrangements are small wooden rigs occupied by predominately single customers. Chatter's bulk comes from a table in the back corner, all far-off & dingy-distant. Quintessential local-looking artwork hangs around the more dimly lit than one might expect environs.

The outdoor seating is of the picnic tables varietal, a few of them. On one sits a harmonica player who seems quite precious in the warm-ish rain; situated next to railroad tracks. Smelling rather badly even there in the great PNW outdoors. Or maybe he just looks like an odor. I digress & begin anew, now in the past tense.

The double shot was a seemingly quite short pull, but on the bright side, the pierced & flanneled barista dismissed my doubts prior to allowing me to fully voice them. Abruptly-so, see? Curt, dismissive. An eye-roll so hard as to be loud. Big ding in customer service, there/that. Something surely was amiss, tho --

& perhaps if she wasn't above my silly questioning... Heavily acidic espresso. Heavily. Acidic. Bitingly so. Battery acidic. A dash or three of salt gets added and then it just laid there on the back of my tongue for some time. 'Some' to be read as 'an oddly long amount of.' Lemony, medicinally. Abrasive. Wholly yucky.

Bitterness lagged behind sour acidity in such a way as to not offer more than a thin wisp of maybe baking chocolate. No pepper nor spice to speak of and very scant if any gettable sweetness. No nuts, no woods. Nada. Notes of Listerine & regret. This Wandering Goat abortion of a double shot was left mainly unfinished.

FINAL GRADE: F
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

Friday, May 29, 2020

Black Acres Coffee Burundi in Review "As on a Plucked String"

“Have you Kaplowitz’d to-day?”

Black Acres Roastery Burundi

ORIGIN: Burundi
VARIETAL: Bourbon

PROCESS: Fully washed
BREW METHOD: French Press

INTENSITY: Mild-Medium

WEBSITE: www.blackacrescoffee.com

NOTES:
Earth | Raw sugar | Citrus pith

Balanced sweet/sour forward with a tick of spiciness underneath. Really, I'm not being vague, this blend is. An earthy, hazily bright brew. Nevertheless, grasping at straws yields an apt golden hay note. Dusty earth envelopes the profile. Even sandy-some. Sweetness is raw sugar which runs thru-out the profile, softly ebbing/flowing. Serious pith puckering is something of an orange-lime, juiced. 

A bit watery at first, cools fuller but not by bunches. Linear & lively all at once as on a plucked string. Complexity, balance, nuance can keenly be questions answered by the previous sentence. A bit of Oolong astringency on the moderate finish which is predominantly citrus with a hint of spiced cocoa. Aroma is that, as well. A bit of leather resides 'tween nose & tongue. 

FINAL GRADE: B-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

::: very :::

Thursday, May 28, 2020

Vero Espresso House Eugene, OR | Stumptown Coffee Hair Bender in Review

"Have you Kaplowitz'd to-day?"

This was originally published 12/26/19 to Kaplowitz Media. Cigars.

Vero Espresso House
205 E 14th Ave. Eugene, OR 97401

Painted sunshine yellow and covered by shaded trees, sits a craftsman style house with Victorian 'tea room' tack-ons mainly on its insides. Its outsides feature a nice deck & some tables along the other side complete w/ umbrellas. The walk up the stairs is wide and airy and once inside it becomes loud and snug. The counter is very much right fucking there boom. Bob's your uncle.

The workers are pleasant, a woman-aged female & a younger guy. The guy is busy bussing. The woman is pleasantly knowledgeable. She tells me they serve Stumptown's Hair Bender blend when I ask & order my doppio. To my relief, they both are mild and not annoyingly chipper or depressingly glum nor glib. Nice. Casually in charge.

Once inside fully & looking for a spot to squat amid my fellow patrons mostly at tables & chairs, I note the well-lit environs. The perfect amount of local art hangs on the walls... that being none. There's a big mirror I hesitate to walk past before the espresso hits. It's an upscale casual North Face and/or REI crowd [a crowded Sunday brunch crowd] relaxed, not unlaxed. Not artsy or edgy -- a nice meeting place for a nice crowd. Nice. Crowd(ed).

There's a staircase leading up to some reserved group seating. Near there and somewhat under that is the obligatory thrift store vintage couch. Back in the main area, did I mention loud? It's not aggressively-so, tho. A clamor of many maybe only mildly pretentious more-so mundane people, peopling over coffees & maybe some cafe grub which I took no note of. That main area is large, but also claustrophobic. Stoic wood seats.

In a far corner, a couple seems camped out homeschooling their kids. The dad looks like a jerk, the mom harried. A closer corner features a somewhat fidgety but mainly lovely old lady sewing circle. I imagine their hubbys all being dead & happily-so (Them not me). There's no music. A good call in an already loud setting. I take it as a yacht rock crowd. Are Hootie and the Blowfish of that genre?

The Hair Bender: Sneaky strong smoky acidity. Bittersweet forward with a neat nutty bracing. Quite pungent pepper up-top & salty in its nethers. An umami savoriness wets the back corners of my tongue on its finish. There's a Teriyaki sensation. Well brewed w/ an excellent lingering crema. Impressive but less than welcoming. The coffee & the place. I leave the last sip. Then leave.

I feel pressured by a growing line at the counter & the peopley setting. I find myself wanting to return at a quieter time, but the drink itself doesn't hold that same allure. An Indonesian cup without enough balancing thereof. It was all nice, just not by either quite let alone very.

::: very :::